Samantha ... Just Dance

I had it ALL wrong

I thought things were perfect.I killed 2nd semester of college, I had a cute boyfriend who had a smile that made it impossible to be mad at him, he had that swaggah that every girl loves, and he was MINE. We did everything together, got stuck in a mudd rutt together for hours, played non-stop basketball, hungout, bummed around watched movies, cooked for eachother. I thought life was perfect for the past 7 months nothing coulda been better… or so i thought. something was missing though, more like a someone then a something. my so called perfect boyfriend wasn’t as perfect as i thought, he didn’t compare to a man who i thought walked outta my life for good because of a drunken fight one night. i just started talking to him again and he makes me realize that hes what my life is missing, hes everything anyone could ask for, i didn’t realize what i had until he was gone, and when he was gone is when i realized how much he effects me. Every time i get a txt and its from him a get the biggest smile, everytime my phone rings and its him, my heart skips a beat and i still get nervous at first when he calls me. when i think i start getting close to you i slowly push myself away im afraid of falling for you.

I Just Want You Back

Rest in Peace Evan…. its insanely hard to think that exactly one year ago i fell to my knee’s crying my eyes out in disbeilve of wat had happened to you from the night before, i still cry just thinking about it, you never got to go to senior prom or walk across the stage at graduation, and blame myself for what has happened to you, you were my first friend when i first moved there at the end of third grade over those 9 years you shoulded me how to truely love life and appreciate the little things, you tought me that happiness doens’t alwyas mean the big picture has to be perfect it just means that you have too look at smaller things that make you smile and put them all together to create your own larger picture that makes you happy. You will always be running through my mind and always in my heart ill never forget those big blue eyes and that amazing smile of yours but more then anythign i miss seeing you everyday , i miss my best friend! the way we use to joke around all day everyday, the raps and free styles we use to do all the time, the doodles we would make during classes, the stories and jokes you always had for me everyday, the way you use to make fun of me… i miss everything i would give anything and everything for you to still be here. You truely are missed evan you have no idea how much you impacted my life and soo many others just promise me you’ll watch over me day and night and be my gideing light.

rest easy Ev only the good die young

October 14, 1989 - May 10, 2008

im scared because…

i don’t want anyone else to

have your heart

i don’t want anyone else to

kiss your lips

i don’t want anyone else to

be in your arms

i don’t want anyone else to

be the one you love

im scared beacuse…

i don’t want anyone else to

TAKE MY PLACE.

I PEED IN A MOTHER FREAKING CUP

Well my day today took me a little by surprise i got to my lab session for anatomy and physiology two.. i was sitting there doing my lab work being the good little doctor in training that i should be to get pulled out of my class and walked down stairs by a man holding a cup… i get handed the cup and im told i am going to have to pee in it im thinking to myself.. “this is great, this is going to be messy!” i respond to him saying well i don’t have to pee sooo… and he tells me thats fine brings me to the water-bubbler and tells me to drink as much water as i possible can within the next five minutes. so i do what im told after i can not possibly drink anymore water i say to the man “now that i drank soo much water and possibly killed nemo and dorey i still don’t have to pee”  the man really could have cared less and proceeded to push me into the rest room handing me the cup and then shoving me into a bathroom stall and telling me how he better not see me again until that cup has my pee in it. im sitting in the stall and i yell out to the man” now that you had me murder nemo and dorey i still don’t have to pee…sorry guess you’re outta luck!” next thing i know i hear the sound of running water and i slowly got the urge to be, next thing i know i skillfully peed in the cup. i know you are probably tinking im a few fries short of a happy meal but any girl that has ever had to pee in a cup would know that when you have a vagina instead of a penis peeing in a cup then becomes an art form, which can only be master by few. I managed to pee in the cup with out dropping the cup in the toilet, or peeing on myself or the cup, or completely missing the cup in general (which has happened before). I then walk out of the stall with a big ole smile on my face and him the cup of my fabulous pee and say “here ya go big guy, have fun!” and wqalk outta the bathroom and start heading back to my dorm room. As soon as i got back to my room i open the door to my roommate chelsea asking me how clas was and aking me why i got out soo early so i then i simply said “i peed in a cup” she got a confused look on her face then i started to tell her how i mastered the art of peeing in a cup. chelsea found the whole situation from the minute i walked through the door till then end of my story quite funny so she decied to talk about my peeing-in-a-cup skills on facebook which im completely ok with but she managed to caputure into a few words wat happened as soon as i walked through the door to a good friend of mine kai on a facebook comment when he asked her why her face book status read the fallowing ; “is soo proud of my roommate right now. She is excellent at peeing in cups! She is very proud of this… give her a round of applause.” and so when kai asked her wat happened this is how she responded to him

Chelsea Pepe at 3:02pm April 22

i want a guy…

who would move the hair away from my eyes and then kiss me.
hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous.
a pretty boy. but not so pretty that i feel akward.
someone who would think i was beautiful if i dressed so trashy it was classy. someone who would sing to me at random moments.
who would let me sleep on their chest.
someone who is more goofy than romantic
but knows the right things to say and do at the right times.
a boy who would beat the shit out of someone if they hurt me
i want someone who would call me a million times a day just to hear my voice.
he would apologize for calling too much and no matter how many times i tell him its okay, he still does it and i dont get sick of it.
someone who would let me gossip to him and would just smile and agree with everything i said.
he would throw stuffed animals at me when i acted dumb and then dog pile on me and kiss me a millon times
we would bet kisses on who could beat who on a playstations game thats a millon years old.
and someone who would make fun of me just to make me laugh
he would surprise me with 25 cent rings
and we would have contest of how far we could spit our gum.
he would take me to the park and put his hands around my waist and give me big bear hugs all the time.
someone who would kiss my neck just to have a reason to tell me how much he likes my new perfume
and at night we would dance in our pajamas and we’d always take pictures in photo booths..
we would sit on the kitchen floor and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches..
and we’d make out in the pouring rain.
he would tell me when he didint think something looked good and i wouldnt mind.
he would TRY to teach me how to play the guitar but we’d just end up laughing at each ohter.
he would run his fingers through my hair even if it was dirty.
he would share lolliepops with me and get along with all of my friends.
he would never be afraid to say “ i love you” infront of his firends
and we would argue of silly things with me then make up.
i want a boy who would take me to target to just make fun of some of the stuff there.
we would kiss at midnight on new years
and make funny faces at eachother whne im on the phone.
i want a boy whho would count stars with me and be friends with my family.
i want someone who would stay home with me on a friday night just to help me make a dinner and watch moives together under the same blanket
and squirt water guns at eachother in the house.
someone who would tell me im beautiful but not too often ..
someone who would look me in the eye and tell me something serious that was also funny and make me promise not to laugh.
someone who would make me laugh like no one else could.
someone who would hold me closer than normal when im sick,
and would play with my hair.
we would buy tons of disposible cameras and take lots of pictures.
but mostly..i want someone who would be my best friend and would never lie to me or break my heart … .

i found that guy

My dearest FuFu

Dear Nick,

so let me start off by saying i love you more then anything! your my twin you understrand me without me having to say one word. you know secrets about me that no one else knows. your always there for me, weathe ri call you al 330am crying or if i call u at 430pm to tell you bout my peeing incident or about a sweet new pair of kicks no matter what it is your always there. you always answer when i call weather youre out with your friends or working or sleepin. i can trust with things i can’t trust anyone else. When we hangout we have fun doing absolutely nothing like the time we stood in your back yard listening to my IPod singing along to the gayest possible songs ever, or our trip camping when we laughed in our tent no stop for atlest 4 hours over lil bunny fufu and the super thanks for asking. when people put me down you bring me right back up you don’t ever let anyone take the smile off my face. Yeah we are cousins, but we are stronger then family, we are also best friends and no matter who comes along or what happens no one can ever do anything to change that. we are going to be 89 and in diapers and still going out on our week long adventures throughout the summers. i thank god everyday that you are one my family and we are blood and secondly your my best friend. i care bout what you have to say more then anyone else you now me like a book its almost like i was a book and you read me ahead of time because no one quite get me like you do

i love you and i miss you and thanks for EVERYTHING!

<3 your bunny fufu and pineapple

Your the the chocolatechip to my cookie.. and that makes me happy

Tossin and turning lastnight seemed to be something that i wasn’t alone doing last night brett couldn’t sleep either… with everything racing through my head last night with brett i had decided to grow up and face my emotions and actually share them. I stood tall and told brett about my tumblr and asked him to read it if he wanted and that i wrote somethings that i wanted to tell him and him being the amazing man that he is at 4:01 am txted me back saying “im gunna read it now bay..r u ok?” when i got the txt saying he was gunna read it my heart dropped to my toes, my stomach turned to knotts, i started shaking, i thought i was ready for him to read that when i wasn’t, but it was too late he started reading it already. my heart was pounding so fast i thought it was going to pound right outta my body. a few minutes my fone rings… his picture pops up…”chelsea he is calling me! what do i do? do i anwer? do i not?” “ANSWER IT!” she replys more nervous then ive ever been before i answer my phone saying “hello?” he answers me and tells me he read it appologizes for things even though i really don’t think he had anything to appologize for. we continued to talk bout things… i couldn’t be more happy with the way things turned out. im glad last night i decided to take the first step forward into growing up and im glad he was there when i took it.  He has been nothing but good to me and has done alot for me weather he realizes it or not. He is he one who got me back into drawing he made me realize allover again how much i love it and how happy it makes me, hes always supporting me, and showing me even i deserve to be treated like a lil princess this morning he told me i was his “gorgeous lil princess” and i thought it was the cutest thing ever. i can’t wait for this summer alls im looking forward to is seeing you! i can’t wait to spend the day at the beach with you, at night walking along the beach in the sand hand in hand under the moon light leaving nothing behind but our foot prints and finding the perfect place to lay in the sand and look up at the stars, i can’t wait to wait hjold ur hand and kiss you in front of everyone and be like thats my boy! i can’t wait to snuggle up with you in bed at watch movies and fall asleep listening to the soiund of your heart beat with your arms wrapped round me holding me close, i can’t wait to have our “prom” together, or to go to Jay’s BBQ with you and meet everyone. im soo happy your letting me be a part of your life. i let my guard down with you ive never done that before i made myself vulnerable but i know you wouldn’t hurt, i know you wouldn’t take advantage of or use me, youre better then that, your far from ordinary, you are nothing close to the boys i usually “fall” for you aren’t that ass whole like everyone else you treat me better then i think i deserve to be.  my guard is down and im letting you into my life and i couldn’t be more happy about it!

TUMBLR IM TUMBLING DOWN A HILL AND I JUST WANT TO GET ON MY OWN TWO FEET AGAIN.

dear tumblr,

its about 3 am and i find myself laying here in bed completely exhausted wanting nothing more then to sleep. instead i find myself tossing and turning relentlessly. i can not seem to clear my mind of all these racing thoughts, its gotten to the point where my head is acheing. I’ve talked to the oh so lovely chelsea about this non-stop she knows just about everything yet more and more thoughts keep popping in my head things that aren’t so easy to put in to words but im sure if i could manage to do it verbally she would still listen and give me some honest advice and that is why i love her. The thing that has me tossing and turning tonite is not chelsea its brett. Brett is one of the best things that has happened to me in a long time. i do not think that i have truely been so happy about life until i met him. The way he makes me feel is something that no one has ever made me feel before ,its a surreal undescribeable feeling but anyone who has ever felt it nows exactly what im talking about. He makes me feel like theres no wrong in the world, makes me feel safe even though im not with him, he makes me smile more then anything, if im having an awful day jusdt tlaking to him makes it an amazing day or if i thought i was having an amazing day he makes it and unbelievable day. He is perfect; he is romantic, funny, loving, caring,sensitive, i love the way he looks and how he just makes we wanna cuddle up in his asrms, the way he dresses, his eyes, his smiles, those tattoos, his personality and the sound of his voice. i love how he makes fun of me and teases me and means nothing of it, he thinks the retarded things i do are cute. you use to call me every hour when you were out no matter what you were doing cuz u missed the sound of my voice or just wanted to say hi, youd txt me non-stop almost like you didn’t want either of us to miss a thing in each other life… it was the cutest thing…lately things have been changing, the txt messages stop coming in every minute, the constant phone calls stop, now its almost seems like im a chore for you to talk to, like ur bothered by me know, you say you aren’t but your actions say differently. i know that life changes and makes things harder sometimes but it is almost like this is beyond that. i am not baming anything on you, i just want to know what i did wrong i just want things to be like they were in the begging i know i sound completely crazy right now and your probably scrathing your head saying “what the fuck” or “how do you sound” right now but i just want us to be on the same page cuz there is not enought ducktape or superglue to fix this heart if it breaks. so tell me now how things are gunna be ik i don’t live down the street from you but in a month thats gunna change and 2nd semster of next year im going to school there, but no matter where i am or who i am with or who i meet i always end up thinking of you and everyone else gets dismissed before they even have a chance cuz the way you make me feel but i just do not get what happened for the sudden change in things? why can’t we just talk like adults ? today when you finally called me when i asked you to call me when you get a chance to talk not only did i want to appoloize for the other night you didn’t deserve that but somehow i wanted to tell you all this, but monopoly was clearly your priorty at the time so there was no point of bringing this up, and if i ever get the courage to let you read this i hope your read it with respect to know that i poured my heart out on this and i never do but i just couldn’t keep this in anymore and f your do read this please talk to me straight up brett and be honest its the one thing i ask and  i don’t think its alot to ask. i think you are truely amazing and i question why you talk to me or what you could have ever seen in me maybe its my own insecurties coming out for maybe its me actually realzing things i don’t know, alls i know is i think you are truely remarkable.